Being once a teenage girl myself I assumed raising them would be fairly easy. I remember what it was like. I remember the rules, the frustration, the crazy hormones. So this whole teen thing should be a walk in the park. As I’ve mentioned before I have two teen girls. My oldest (18) is off conquering the world and in University. My youngest daughter is 15 going on 35 and knows all the answers. What I thought was going to be a walk in the park turned out more like a stroll through the thorns. Personally I have held on to a lot of guilt given how the girls father and I parted ways. Because of this guilt I trie to give the girls all they wanted and I am sure this didn’t do their attitudes any justice. There are days I just want to pull my hair out. How do you deal with someone who thinks they know everything especially when that someone is your 15 year old daughter and has zero life experience but insists they have the answer to everything! I have encouraged my girls to express themselves and have always tried to listen to their opinion and take it into consideration. What they think and feel does matter……. Is this why they feel what they say goes? Is this why when they ask a question, I give an answer and in return I get told my answer is incorrect and this is how it really is……LMFAO well let me ask you this, If they already knew the answer wtf are they asking me in the first place? I love my girls to the ends of the earth and beyond, but there are rough days just as there are wonderful days. The thing I have trouble handling is the attitude and depression. The low self esteem my youngest seems to struggle with and I have no idea why. As i said I have always listened, been open, honest and made sure they know how proud I am of them. Yet at 15 my daughter is constantly putting herself down whether it be body image or intelligence she struggles everyday. I myself have mental illness so I know what it can be like. I just tried so hard to keep them protected from that and hoped it wasn’t something that was passed on to the next generations. I’ve sent her for counseling, I’ve encouraged her, I’ve done research and have tried all I know of to turn her negative attitude around. I am completely dazed and confused and in need of assistance. I really don’t want my daughter to follow me down my rabbit hole. Such a smart, beautiful girl her life is full of opportunities. The question of the day is How do you make a 15 year old girl see that potential when she has closed herself off to any positive reinforcement?
It’s hard to believe that in this day and age dating double standards still exist. I am a 41 year old woman and my husband is 25 years old. Personally I have no issue with this, my children have no issue with our marriage nor does my ex husband. I’m also lucky enough to say that most of my family are on board also as long as he makes me happy (which he does). Unfortunately this fact isn’t true for everyone. Many people in society still believe I am doing something wrong. They pass judgement without knowing our story. We get remarks, stares and questions as to whether or not I am his mother. What bothers me about this is that not long ago I dated a man that was 14 almost 15 years my senior and we received none of this prosecution. In fact no one blinked an eye. He was not called a cougar or a cradle robber. When other men found out how much younger I was they gave out high fives not glares. Is this fair? Is this considered whats right nowadays? We love each other, we are happy and we make each other happy. Since I first met him years ago I felt drawn to him. It took a long time for us to reach a time in our lives where we both wanted the same thing at the same time. Where we both decided to let go of fears holding us back and take a leap into the unknown. Honestly the greatest choice I have ever made. So I ask you does that sound wrong to you? Does our relationship sound fake? Does it sound like this man is just my F***Boy? Take Johnny Depp he is like 22 years older than Amber Heard and that wasn’t a huge factor at any point. The public didn’t even bat an eye…….Why? Because its Johnny or because he is a man? It’s 2022 with all the things that a re considered normal now I find it hard to believe that a woman being older than her mate is such a hot topic yet here we are. Talked about in grocery stores, movie theaters, eateries you name it we receive the stares. When I’m showing apartments and I introduce my husband and get asked if I’m a cougar!!!! Yes, there is STILL A DOUBLE STANDARD and in my opinion it’s just not right. I hope after reading this you take note of yourself and perhaps realize I am right.
A relationship is about making the person you love happy, making them feel safe, secure and trusted. M opinion is no matter sex, color or age as long as you make each other feel loved than nothing else should matter. I know I love my man, I know he makes me happy and that I see love in his eyes each day when he looks at me. Making me feel safe and secure. If this mum with attitude opinion counts for anything I believe as long as your partner makes YOU happy it doesn’t matter sex, color or age what matters is the ove they give.
Sometimes I look at pictures of my girls seeing them through the ages and wonder to myself “Where does the time go?” seems like just yesterday they were my little girls. One hiding behind my leg the other never leaving my side. My oldest was always so shy. One of those kids that constantly said she had “no friends” or “no one likes me” yet I’d drop her at school and kids would call out her name “Sarah, they are calling you” I’d say. Her response 9 times out of 10 was “i know” and she would actually ignore them LMFAO. She has always gone to the beat of her own drum……I look at her now and see a woman. Out on her own, university student truly a mothers dream. Where did the time go? Where did my shy little girl go? Who is this woman who stands before me? My youngest has always been a mums girl since the day she came out she has been my suck. In that respect not much has changed LOL. The mouth on her although drives me crazy also makes me proud to see her stand up for her opinions even if they do seem far fetched. Time has been pretty good to me so I really can’t complain……But that doesn’t stop m mind from wandering Where did the time go? Life happens so fast,
So I’ve been asking myself lately, when is it enough? At what age do we cut off our children? Do we ever really? I mean I know my mom has still bailed me out from time to time ( and no not literally). I bring this topic up because my eldest daughter has once again asked for money ( and I’m not talking pocket change). She went off to university last year and decided to stay for summer and not come home like her friends. Six girls have rented a house for the school year and my Sarah decided to live there all year. Lets keep in my mind she works full time as waitress during summer. I pay her car insurance and her phone bill still……YES you read that correctly and her gram and I paid for her rent this past 6 months. Which we gave her in a lump sum to pay her portion of rent each month. Her cat needed vet I paid 400 and my mom 800, Sarah paid…. I’m sure you guessed it ZERO. She thanked vet and techs on Facebook and not one thank you to her gram or I. The point to all this ramble is she pays very little and went away on vacay with her dad etc…..she tells me OSAP hasn’t paid for her summer course yet but that she needs money for something. I tell her to use rent money and put it back when OSAP comes. She semi complains and gives excuses but I stuck to it……She returns gets a small pay and tells me she has no food in house and has utilities to pay and wants money she paid out until OSAP comes. HMMMMMM this makes me start thinking. What about the rent money? If she had that to use like I said she would still have money left as we paid until OCT. Unless of course she spent and thats why she had to use her own funds. Even if that’s true. Is she not saving working all those hours. What is she doing with her money? So I ask myself when is it enough? When do you say NO? As a mum when a child says they need food it makes it difficult to say no when they aren’t close enough to bring dinner. So when do I cut her off?
Have you ever had the feeling that your partner has a secret or is hiding something from you? It’s an ominous sense that hits you in the pit of your stomach. It’s important not to jump to conclusions as you may be overthinking the situation. However, you can’t ignore those red flags that keep popping up either.
It would be best if you confronted your partner. You need to tell them all the reasons you are suspicious and let them know you want the truth. What they say next means everything.
If your partner has a secret that they don’t want to tell you, then you may get some big production from them. He or she may become terribly angry and start throwing accusations your way. They will deflect from the matter as they can’t believe that you don’t trust them.
SIGNS YOUR PARTNER IS HIDING SECRETS
Always trust your gut instincts because something fishy is undoubtedly going on when they have such a strong reaction. Now that you’ve let the cat out of the bag, things may be different between you.
Experts say that there are some hallmark signs that someone is hiding something, even if they won’t spill the beans. Here is a list of 12 common behaviors from someone who has a secret but won’t tell.
1 – THEY’RE BEING OVERLY NICE
Is your partner trying to wine and dine you all of a sudden? While it’s not a bad thing to get special attention, it can undoubtedly be questionable behavior if it’s out of character for them. He or she may be attempting to improve your relationship so that you won’t be suspicious of any wrongdoing.
Some may say it’s a sneaky way of covering their tracks. For instance, if you get a dozen roses or your favorite candies, then it may be a sinister approach for them to get you off their trail. Again, you must trust your gut on this one because their motives could be deceptive.
2 – THEY’RE PROTECTIVE OF THEIR CELL PHONE
A cell phone is a private device. However, within the confines of a relationship, there must be specific allowances for openness. You should have your partner’s code to get into their phone, and there is nothing that they should have on their mobile that you cannot see.
If they take their phone everywhere, they go, even to the bathroom, then it may be suspicious. How were their previous cell phone habits? Is their newfound obsession with this electronic device new or have they always been this way?
Ask them why they are so guarded over their phone. If you find that they get defensive, then it’s probably because they have something to hide. However, if they release the lock and allow you to browse, then you probably have nothing to worry about.
3 – THEY CONTINUE TO OVER-REACT
The first conversation where you expressed your concerns might have made them nervous. They may feel that you are onto their hidden secrets. When someone acts out, it may be that they are doing this to get you off their case.
However, it may also be a subconscious action because all the fear and anxiety they are feeling is coming out. If you simply ask how their day was at work, they may blow up and act like you are invading their privacy.
4 – THEY TURN THE TABLES AND ACCUSE YOU OF CHEATING
One of the hallmarks of a cheater is to project their guilt onto someone else. If you want to see their phone, then they will say that you are being sneaky or have an issue with trust. Their goal is to make you feel guilt.
The manipulator’s objective is to show you that you can trust them by playing the guilt card. Do you find that they are picking at you for things they wouldn’t usually care about? For instance, did he or she blow a gasket because you spend too much at the grocery store this week?
Have they tried to claim that you are lying to them? These are all red flags that they are picking a fight to turn the attention from their wrongdoing and blame you.
5 – THEY’RE EMOTIONALLY ALOOF
Does your partner seem to be distant, both physically and emotionally? Someone who was always the life of the party and now tends to be quiet could be because they have a guilty conscience. If they have a secret, they may not want to burden you with it.
They are stepping away because they’re hiding secrets. Though it may not destroy your relationship, it could be devastating in other ways. It would be best if you encouraged your partner to share it with you. Let them know that you can work on things no matter what’s happened.
6 – THEIR SCHEDULE IS ERRATIC
Making a life change often requires a shift in activities and new habits. If your partner is experiencing life transitions, then their schedule could be altered. However, if they don’t have a new job or haven’t taken on any responsibilities that you know about, then a shift in their schedule could be suspect.
Keep in mind that hiding secrets don’t always mean they’re cheating. Their new habits may indicate that something is going on in their life that they are trying to keep from you.
7 – YOU CATCH THEM IN LIES
Trust is especially important in any relationship. However, when a person is trying to hide something, their stories might not add up. Something as small as asking them what they had for lunch may spark concern, and they feel the need to lie.
For instance, your partner may tell you that they are going out to lunch with friends during a text message, but in the evening, they may say that they ate at the desk. While it’s impossible to remember every detail of your day, they surely should remember where they ate. Any inconsistencies can point to hiding secrets.
8 – YOUR PARTNER CUTS YOU OUT OF THEIR LIFE
If you’ve always done everything together but now you are suddenly uninvited to things, then it’s a red flag. While having a day to hang out with buddies is okay on occasion, if these outings increase or they don’t want you going anywhere with them, then it’s suspicious.
At the very least, this behavior needs to be investigated. You need further information as to why they are acting this way. Are they hiding secrets?
9 – THEIR BODY LANGUAGE SEEMS OFF
Your partner may not need to utter a word; some people can tell that things are amiss because of their body language. Do they avoid looking into your eyes? When someone is hiding secrets and telling lies, they may have a hard time making eye contact.
Has your romantic life suffered? Your partner may close off all affection because they don’t want to be close to you. They are detached and cold because they have created an uncomfortable situation and don’t know how to deal with it.
10 – THEY DON’T DISCLOSE DETAILS
Is your partner vague about their whereabouts? When you ask questions about how their day or activity went, they always answer with “good” or “fine?” When a partner is involved in something they want to keep you out of, they won’t care to recall any stories of their day.
Forget trying to talk or make any plans for the future, either. They may avoid the topic at all costs if they’re cheating.
11 – THEY’RE CONTINUOUSLY STAYING LATE AT WORK
Have you noticed that he or she is staying late at work all of a sudden? Do they have unforeseen meetings, overtime, and reasons why they can’t come home right after their shift? Partners who are hiding secrets almost always use work as an excuse to change their schedule.
12 – THEY’VE BECOME MEAN
Guilt is a powerful thing. If your partner knows that he or she is doing you wrong, then they may become mean. It’s not that they don’t love you any more or hate you, it’s that they are trying to avoid you at all costs.
They want to make excuses in their mind about why they need to end this relationship. It’s all about the justification for the manipulator. If you find that a person who was once sweet and loving has turned into a monster, then it’s a big red flag.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON DETECTING A PARTNER WHO IS HIDING SECRETS AND TELLING LIES
Over 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and over 73 percent of second marriages don’t make it either. The number one reason for marriages to end is infidelity. Even if you’re not married, a committed relationship still faces the same woes.
It’s also important to note that medical or mental health issues can cause changes in behavior. While your partner may not have done anything, they may be experiencing high levels of stress, and it’s altering their mood. Talk to them to see if they will open up about underlying causes for their actions.
No matter what you’re facing with your partner, it’s always important to trust what your gut is trying to tell you. You were given those instincts to help you through situations like this in life, so you need to use them.
My boyfriend and I have spent the last 4 days redoing bedrooms. My oldest daughter has gone off to university. The girls no longer need the larger room and my younger daughter was excited for the change. Make it her own space. My youngest however is a bit of a slob…..Yes I ralize the girl is 15 but honestly if you had seen what I did you would know what I mean, The child is disgudting. What’s worse is a lot of my boxes were in that room. Omg I have not seen anything like it. Old food containers, take out, drinks in take away cups sitting around creating fruit fies etc…… She literally has a circle of items around her on the bed and all over the room. I feel like I’m raising some sort of live stock. Like all parents I’ve tried all the tactics. The grounding, the taking away of prized possessions, reward program, you name I’ve tried it and guess what oink oink the place is a sty.
Being a mom can be hard. Run here, do this, grab that. So often I feel like I’m being pulled from all directions. I decided long ago I was going to be a “do as I say, not as I do” attitude. I’m the parent right? I refuse to be one of those moms held hostage by my own child. My children to this day even now being teens are just a little afraid of me. That’s the way it should be. For this reason I have never really had to dole out spankings etc. My children just behaved.
Welcome to my blog page MUM with Attitude also known as the Couple Chemist. A place to hear about my day. Listen to my rants on parenting, dating, politic, just life in general. Here to offer advice on not only raising the little ones, but dating the not so old ones. Lmfao